She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
