dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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