i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
