I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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