YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
