dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
