whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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