Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
