We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
