I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
