what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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