he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize