check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
