now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
