no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Randomize
