Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
