I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
