he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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