All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
