Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
