last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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