you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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