we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bring me that man meat
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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