and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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