We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
