so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize