it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've blown a few things in my day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
