I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
40s are totally the cure
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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