sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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