When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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