Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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