so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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