God, you're like boner-b-gone
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
