I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
