Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize