He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
my liver is dry heaving
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