Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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