There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
