woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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