So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
