just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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