no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
nutella sex= disaster
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
