I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
