well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
