My Higher Power is John Stamos
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
