If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
