Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
