Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
PANTIES FOUND
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