I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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