I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
