No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize