I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
