Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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