I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
