Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
