He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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