Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
