All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
