she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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