Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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