my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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