i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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