You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
