Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
