apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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