My friends, they love my intelligence
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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