I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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