good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
