Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
