i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A+ Viking dick
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
